The Gift of a Catholic Funeral

by Lakmé Kodros

Many of us grow up thinking that funerals and grief are things to avoid. We say things like, “I just want it to be over” or “I don’t want to burden anyone.” When the death of a loved one occurs, however, the very thing we want to hurry past may be the very thing that heals us the most.

Grief is never easy. It is raw, exhausting, and overwhelming. Yet, if we allow ourselves to step into it fully, we find that grief carries unexpected blessings. It does not just mark the end of a life; it deepens the meaning of the love we shared and transforms the way we live moving forward.

Grief is not something that can be fixed. Each person’s grief is unique and complex. It has no set schedule and no recovery period. There is no magic time to be over it, nor is there a guiding map. In fact, we are good at hiding our pain, at postponing grieving for a more appropriate place or a better time. The truth is, we cannot avoid grief by ignoring it. Grief needs to be experienced for healing to begin. It is essential that we feel the heartbreak of our pain. Grief is the natural outpouring of love when someone we cannot imagine life without is gone. By leaning into heartbreak rather than shutting it out, we honor that love. It has been said that the deeper we love the deeper we grieve. Grief is the price we pay for great love.

In today’s fast-paced culture of self-indulgent pleasures, why would anyone want to indulge in a Catholic funeral Mass, much less grief? Unfortunately, we have heard family members say they want to get it over with as quickly as possible or choose the shortest readings for their brevity rather than breathe in the healing words our God offers to the brokenhearted. A Catholic funeral Mass serves a much deeper purpose than we may realize.

A funeral is not just about the person who has died. It is about and for the people left behind. Hearing God’s Words can heal us. Praising Him for life not only here on earth but in the next can give us hope. The Catholic funeral rites include a sacred space to honor our loved one and a community with whom we pray and share one another’s joys and sufferings. A funeral Mass includes joyful music singing His praises and prayers of thanksgiving lifted to our God for the life of our loved ones. The Church is where we lay our sorrows at the foot of the Cross.

Praises raised. Reflections inspired. Thanksgiving encouraged. Stories shared. Tears spent. Laughter always. Together, we realize that grief is not a private prison but a shared human journey. The funeral Mass and rites are an important opportunity to be nourished by the beauty and hope found in the Catholic funeral celebration, one of the most beautiful rituals of the Church. It is meant for the loved ones in sorrow as well as the deceased.

The choice of a family to forego all things Catholic for a funeral because they themselves are not or are no longer Catholic, even though the deceased was Catholic, practicing his or her faith, is becoming all too familiar. In a similar vein, the choice not to have a funeral Mass but rather have a service at the funeral home or cemetery in order to simplify things for everyone, and maybe even skirt around the possibility of offending anyone out of sorts with the Church, has also become a common scenario.

No one willingly welcomes heartache. If we allow it, however, it can be more than anguish and misery; it can be a teacher, a healer, and a guide. When we invest in the process, we do not just say goodbye. We say thank you. We say your life mattered. In that space we find comfort, meaning, and the courage to carry their legacy

forward.

So, when the time comes, do not rush it. Celebrate your loved one’s life with the beautiful rites of the Church.

It might just be the most important gift your loved one leaves behind.

For more information regarding preplanning your funeral liturgy and end of life questions, please visit: www.saint-max.org/funerals