A Relationship Worth Building

By Mary Pat Zink

I am a cradle Catholic. Since I can remember, I have known, believed, and practiced my Catholic faith, but there was a time when it wasn’t truly my faith. I think most, if not every cradle Catholic experiences something like this. It is the time when your faith stops being the faith your parents taught you and becomes the faith you choose to believe in. For me, it was a journey to get to this point.

Up until elementary school, my faith was what my parents taught me. Get up at 7 o’clock on Sundays to go to Mass, say your intentions when we pray at the end of the day as a family, say grace before dinner, and so on. My faith was just something I did because I was told to do so - almost like another chore, but I kept practicing because it was fun at times. I got to do fun events and activities to prepare for my First Communion, I got to wear a pretty dress and have a party after my First Communion, and I was able to be a part of the Children’s Choir. My faith was something I did, but there were fun parts to it, so I went along with it.

In middle school, my faith became less the routine of my parents and more a duty because I was Catholic. I got to the age when I understood my faith more, but that’s all it was. I understood the Eucharist was truly Jesus; I understood that at Confirmation the Holy Spirit strengthened me to live the faith; I understood that God loves us, but it was all head knowledge. At that time, my faith was less something I chose to believe because I wanted to and more something I believed because I was supposed to. It was still a routine but it felt more like a personal duty rather than my parents’ instructions.

I continued to practice because there were still fun elements to it. I got to go on my first retreat for my Confirmation prep. I was able to attend Junior High Youth Group where I could meet people. I also got to lector at the homeschool First Friday Masses, but there was nothing truly deep and personal about my faith - until I started to have a desire.

While I don’t remember the exact date, I will never forget this day. The Junior High Youth Group went on trip where several youth groups got together for talks, games, and a night of Adoration. I remember in one of the talks, the speaker mentioned his relationship with God, how there were times where it felt like He was speaking to him. This shocked me. I started to want this kind of relationship, but it was for the wrong reason. I did not want this sort of relationship for the sake of having a relationship with God, but almost because I thought I deserved it. I was a pretty good Catholic: I never stole anything; I went to Mass on Sundays; I did everything that I was supposed to do. The obvious next step would be to have an encounter with God like I had heard about. So, I started to pray for this encounter. It never came. I wondered if I was doing something wrong, but I kept praying for the encounter. Despite my mixed-up reasons for it, I still had a desire for it.

It wasn’t until I was an incoming freshman in high school that I had a true change of heart. I went to Catholic Youth Summer Camp for the first time. I didn’t know what to expect, but it sounded fun, so I decided to go. There was one morning that still stands out to me. A speaker was teaching us all how to pray Lectio Divina, which is a sort of meditative prayer with Scripture. He told us, basically, not to put our imaginations in a box - to open our hearts and minds to God’s Word and let Him guide us. This was a shock to me. My way of praying before was to remain completely focused on the words being spoken or read and to push away any other thoughts. I learned from the speaker that while some thoughts do hinder our prayers, that doesn’t mean all of them do.  This completely changed how I prayed and meditated on the Bible and rosary. This was my first encounter with the idea of a personal relationship with God.

After that morning, I tried to not be as strict with my prayers - to really let God guide me. This allowed me to be open to more meaningful encounters with God’s Word during the Lectio Divina sessions which allowed me to connect more with the small group I was a part of for that week. The climax of the week was one of the praise and worship nights. During that time, there was a meditation the MCs led us in which was a sort of profession on who God is to us. Small groups went up one at a time and put a name tag with who God is to them on a big wooden cross. I had never really given much thought to this. I knew God was God because that was what I was supposed to believe. I never proclaimed that belief. I knew it in my head, but it never truly reached my heart. So that night, I took a leap of faith and opened my heart and let the Lord truly be my God. That night I started to believe not because I had to but because I wanted to. It was my first step into a truly personal relationship with God.

Since that night, my relationship with the Lord has only grown. I went back to Catholic youth Summer Camp two more times. I joined the high school youth group at St. Max where I met some of my closest friends. I journeyed with a catechumen and a candidate as a sponsor for OCIA over the course of two years. When I went to college, I joined a rosary group and Bible study at Mount Saint Joseph University and found a community of strong, Catholic young women who are striving to make MSJ more centered on the Lord. I did all of this not because I thought I had to, or because my parents told me, or because it was my duty as a Catholic. I did all this because I wanted to - because of my relationship with God. A lot of what I have done, I would never have dreamed of doing, even writing this witness. The only reason I even considered doing all these things is because of the relationship I have built with the Lord. I have learned it is something that needs to be built over time, and it is worth building.